Strange things have been happening lately. It is the eleventh of January and it is 50 degrees. It has been this warm for about a week. Where is the snow? Where is winter? Is the world coming to an end?

Worried

Dear Worried,

   Do not be worried. The world is not coming to an end. There is a simple explanation for the warm temperatures. The unseasonable mild weather is due to a conspiracy on the part of trail riders. In order to go riding in the winter, trail riders have banded together to create a climate shift. My people went trail riding at Sand Ridge last Friday and Saturday and there were 14 rigs there on Friday and 12 on Saturday. The way in which the Trail Riding Conspiracy has accomplished this climate change is through global warming. They have deliberately filled the atmosphere with carbon dioxide so that the heat from the sun is trapped in the earth’s atmosphere. One of the primary ways in which they are doing this is by transporting their work from April through October. That is why most state parks (Sand Ridge is the exception) close the horse trails at the end of October. To protect our rights, we have to reverse global warming.

   This is the plan. I call it the 3-W plan. The three W’s are Walking, Wind, and Wool. We have put together a public relations plan to convince not only trail riders but all the inhabitants of the world to walk, to use wind mills to generate power, and to wear wool instead of relying on furnace heat. We need to convince people to walk instead of riding in cars. My person, Eugene, lives about eight miles from where he works. At a steady trot, I can probably cover eight miles in an hour. If I can do it, he can do it. It would be good for him, the only exercise he gets is taking care of me and my buddies.

   Wind power is the second W. Traveling through the country I see all these old wind-mills standing idle. This is a shame. We need to convince people to hook all of these windmills up to generators so that we can get rid of power plants that create global warming. This would not only provide practical benefits, but also aesthetic. I believe that windmills, next to horses, are the most beautiful objects available for viewing in rural America.

   Wool is the third W. We need to convince people to wear wool. They need wool socks, underwear, shirts, pants, hats, gloves, coats, scarves, etc. If people wore wool outdoors and indoors, it would be unnecessary to heat homes. They only protection I have from the weather is a three-sided, unheated shed and I am doing fine. None of the Asylum horses have heated stalls/sheds. If we can do it, our people, Eugene and Melissa, can do it, the world to adopt the 3-W’s; Walk, Wind, and Wool.